I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
