More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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