Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
