I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
