morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
