When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
