He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
