It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
