My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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