So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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