Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just found puke in my bra..
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
