tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
