I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
