i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
