So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
