remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
