So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He shit in the fireplace
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
