it's too hot outside to masturbate.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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