Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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