very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
