shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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