So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
