You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
