he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
