words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
