just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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