Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
We left the knife in your bed.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
