So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
