I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
