please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
