My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Houston, we have a squirter
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
