the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
