Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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