the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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