Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
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