They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
