How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
