i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize