I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
