does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
