having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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