My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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