You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize