I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Please don't give away my fajitas
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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