5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Your cock deserves a montage
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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