I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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