I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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