Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Randomize
