Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
