I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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