You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
