i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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