I'm gonna have a badass scar
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
i think my cat just said my name.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
