How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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