how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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