we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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