How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
wow bdsm is so cute
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
