8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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