just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
