Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
