Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
